When Life Changes In 5 Minutes

I was on the elliptical at the gym on Friday when the phone rang, and even though the gym has a no cell phone policy I answered it because I knew who it was. The woman next to me hissed, "you can't have phones in here" just when I heard, "Jodi, it's Dr. _____. Your tests results are back." I heard her inhale and before she even said it I knew what is coming. I left the gym and stood outside, waiting for the words.

"It's not Lyme, it's Lupus." Lupus, a chronic, auto immune, life long condition. And I knew. I knew when it was first suggested to me, even when I was walking around like I don't have Lupus, you people are crazy.

Too many things just made sense, and explained things about me doctors had never been able to explain. The anemia, the migraines that never responded to any medication, the fact that my hands and feet got tingly and fell asleep even if I was using them, and the oddest of all, Lupus pregnancies tend to end in pre-eclampsia which mine did with no explanation. And, we can't forget the incredibly swollen hands and feet and the weird rash that started me down this road in the first place.

So, Lupus. And everyone around me is expecting me to freak out. Cry, throw things, maybe just react, but I'm remarkably calm. This does not change anything, just gives a name to how I feel. Doug thinks I'm in a deep, deep denial.

I promise you right now, this will not become a sickness blog. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I will not wallow in this. I will not be sick for the rest of my life. I'm 33, a wife, a mother, an attorney, and active. I will be healthy. I will have a life. I believe the mind is powerful. I believe I can refuse to be sick.

And hey, people with Lupus tend to have unexplained weight loss. I'm waiting for that. I better get something out of this.